Bri-chan
Full Member
Non lo conoscete. Nessuno lo conosce... Sono rotto.
Posts: 182
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Post by Bri-chan on Jun 12, 2005 21:56:57 GMT -5
*crying* That was... so sad... *sniff*
It was a good chapter, but it was so sad... why did everyone have to die?
There were some places where you didn't have spaces between the words, but other than that the grammar was good.
Do you need any more phrases?
~Bri-chan (who is currently looking for a tissue... or maybe 5,000)
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Post by Kuramafan06 on Jun 12, 2005 23:15:32 GMT -5
Heh heh, that was sad but necessary. And it's just beginning... I'm going to put the spaces. Hey how do you say: -Suicidal Cactus?? -Almost falling 35 times and haven't broken a leg -I got struck by ____ lightnings and I'm still alive!! Thank you. You and your grandpa are really cool. If you want to know how some things are said in Spanish, I'll be happy to tell you. You may not know how useful it could be... ;D
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Bri-chan
Full Member
Non lo conoscete. Nessuno lo conosce... Sono rotto.
Posts: 182
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Post by Bri-chan on Jun 12, 2005 23:27:48 GMT -5
Selbstmörderischer Kaktus?? Suicidal cactus??
Fast fallend 35mal und haben nicht ein Bein gebrochen Almost falling 35 times and haven't broken a leg
Ich erhielt durch ____ Blitze angeschlagen und ich bin noch! lebendig! I got struck by ____ lightnings and I'm still alive!!
Oh, my grandpa and I are going to Las Vegas tomorrow with the rest of my family, so until we get back we won't be able to help you... sorry!
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Post by Taya-chan on Jun 13, 2005 17:35:02 GMT -5
That's cool. ^^
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Post by Taya-chan on Jun 14, 2005 7:01:37 GMT -5
Uh, interesting. It's kinda weird how you state something that is allready obvious to the reader like: But Kurama wasn’t going to stand up and receive the shot so easily. And also, try to vary your sentence construction. ^^;; Not to be a pain, but it gets kinda boring...
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Post by Kuramafan06 on Jun 14, 2005 18:27:59 GMT -5
Errr.... ^_^' I'm used to that because of my classmates... Uh, I was wondering; you mentioned that I should vary the sentence construction. How can I do that? (Sorry if I sound stupid, but I've still haven't got enough sleep and doing nothing at school isn't helping. I can't sleep there, not with your firends' cameras)
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Post by Anonymous on Jun 14, 2005 18:38:22 GMT -5
sentence construction...ok for instance: The gang looked at Helena. She was staring at the floor. She said nothing. It's just that saying everything plainly just to get your point across isn't all the interesting...you could try expanding a bit on scenery detail (5 senses), thought... reading that passage from your story (-points to quote-) you can't be sure if she's sad, embarasses, overly excited etc., or to what degree...
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Post by Anonymous on Jun 14, 2005 18:41:10 GMT -5
basically, put a bit mroe feeling into it ^.^
or a Obiwan would say: You must trust in the force... .____.
but we dont believe that crap right?...
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Post by Kuramafan06 on Jun 14, 2005 19:28:10 GMT -5
I think I got the point, but I tend to forget the suggestions people make me. Also I find quite hard to make the characters act as they would normally do. Can anyone help me? Also changing the subject... Does anyone know a good strategy for the butterfly catching and the chocobo race minigames of the FF X? I always need .5 more seconds to catch the last butterfly... and the birds always hit me... That's frustrating.
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Post by Anonymous on Jun 14, 2005 19:36:08 GMT -5
no idea...my friend has ff x...sadly ive never played any of the mini-games in that game... as for the suggestions, you dont really need to remember this one...after reading a few well written books you'll get it yourself...or you could write it one your hand and write another one of your own stories... i can help with the characters if you want... anyways back to final fantasy (cuz i like dat game...) i think if you keep trying you may discover a strategy, or just eventually win it...
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Post by Anonymous on Jun 14, 2005 19:37:06 GMT -5
oh yeah...and for the butterfly game, dont rush through it...you'll lose more time bumping into red butterflies than you will if you take your time and avoid them
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Post by Kuramafan06 on Jun 14, 2005 19:49:42 GMT -5
Actually I just bump into one butterfly. Only one, but it takes me away .5 vital seconds... I hate the final part of the minigame, because there are 3 butterflies together and if I avoid one, the other touches me!!! I read on gamefaqs.com that you can still winn even if you bump into a red butterfly, but I found that really impossible. I've had the same problem like 15 times.. The really funny sidequest is the one with the cactuars. I love how Elio jumped from the airship when you get him... A suicidal cactus, who would have imagined that? I was laughing too hard... ;D That was unexpected.
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Post by Kuramafan06 on Jun 14, 2005 22:36:46 GMT -5
After thinking over the possibilities I've decided that I'll rewrite (like the FMA song) Chapter Eight. I reread it and I didn't like it. So I'm following your suggestions, Taya-chan and Anonymous, and I'm going to detail more the scenes. I just pray and hope I don't exceed with that too. Anyways, some parts will be the same, but I'll change the majority of the Chapter (Especially after the fighting scene.) Also I must get in a "pessimist and sad" mood. This is to create the effect I want and bring a "Heavy" or "sad" atmosphere.
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Post by Anonymous on Jun 15, 2005 6:51:54 GMT -5
good luck with that
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Post by Konnichiwa on Jun 15, 2005 19:34:36 GMT -5
^^ ditto...
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